I was really very upset about all the things happen recently. Thursday evening, I went to visit my friend in hospital, I wanted to tell him a lot of things, but words just cannot come out from my mouth. Saw him in this state, my heart is aching, that why I cried. Then I decided to go for a run, meet my poly friend at Bukit Batok. I message him about it, he was angry with me, because I choose to go running than study for next day common test. I thought it will be fine after that but I was wrong. I only ran for 3 round, due to whole day never eat, I start to feel dizzy, so I told my friend, I not feeling well, next time then run again. So I went to buy food to go home eat. Normally, he will ensure me that I have reach home safety, but that day he never, I was quite upset. Next day, when I wake up, still no message from him, keep waiting for him to message me and wish me good luck for my test before I sit for test, but still don’t have, that moment I felt sadder. After my test, I receive message from my friends that say my close friend, shixiang have passed away. I was really sad, that moment I wish that he is there for me to comfort me, so I called him, but I felt even more sadder, his tone was like not really willing to talk to me. On the way to my ex-colleague’s house, my mind keep flash back to the old time when my friend is still lively jumping and laughing around, my tears flow non-stop. I message him, told him about my friend passed away, thought he will called me but never, just a reply ok. He ask me to join him to go to his friend BBQ party, then I told him that thought I have already told you that I finish my thing around 8 plus or 9 plus, then he say he was disappointed with me and so on. I was like, I already in a bad mood, you still want to quarrel with me, so upset. When I reach home, I make a phone call to him, his tone was like don’t bother want to talk to me, this time I really really really really very SAD. So this is what you say, won’t make me sad again. Really thank you, give me such a great birthday present.
We have been same class since sec 1, we started to know each other at the start of sec 3? No no no, think is sec 2, because I remember start of sec 3, I have chicken box, can’t go school for first 2 week. That 2 week, I keep called him to chat. Then he starts to call me ‘xiao ting jie jie’. Now so miss him calling me this. After graduated from secondary school, we enrolled into same poly, we meet and go school together if our schooling time is same. I remember I always late due to overslept, after that he will morning call me to wake me up. But I still late, think I really bath very slow. Always caused he late for lesson, but he always smile smile and say ‘never mind, never late more than 15 minutes and the teacher won’t care, still will let me sign attendance.’ He really is such a good brother, always help me to carry books or laptop for me. We also meet go home together, sometime, he really so good till accompany me to buy food and send me home, even send me till my door, every time my dog saw him will bake at him, and I say ‘ you got the bad people look that why my dog bake at you.’. But I also a bad sister as I did walked with him home sometime. I remember, one day he told me that his classmate thought I am his GF, I told him, go tell them, ‘ if she is my GF, how come I never wait for her to dismiss but go home alone.’. This continues till finish year 2. For Year 3, we not able to meet because his first half year is attachment the next half schooling, we are opposite. School start around a month, he talked to me in MSN, asking me how am I and so on, few more days later, he talked to me in MSN again saying that he fall sick recently and is on and go. After another few more days, he was lying in hospital with such terrible and sudden condition. When my friend informed me about him, I really don’t believe it, thought is April Fool Day. Now, 11 June 2010, he really left us. I really feel so unbelievable. Am I dreaming? My naughty little brother who behave like a monkey really left the world? I really feel like scolding him for never keep his words, he have promise me lot of thing and have not done.

To my dearest brother shixiang,
So miss the day we spent. I hope to call your name once again, but I can’t anymore. So regret, the last time saw you still calling you ‘monkey’, you always smile smile and say I bully you by calling you ‘monkey’. I really angry with you, make everyone so upset, why so silly, when unwell should approach doctor, now let everyone cry. So hate you, thought you say, you never break promises. You promise me will play revesi with me again, thought you say, you will tell me the girl that you like, thought you say will attend my future wedding, thought you say will find more nice songs for me, thought you say whenever I want to watch show can ask you to find for me, thought you say whenever I got problems can find you, now I really got problem, how? I lost my friend, called shixiang, can help me find him?